Someday I’ll be rich and have a shot of Irish cream in my Chai tea every morning with 5 eggs perfectly fried in golden olive oil as my personal chauffeur who makes six figures a year pulls into the driveway and we’ll both be so high he’ll genuinely laugh when I say “ye that way” and I’ll forget everything I had to do that day and it won’t matter because I’m happy and gay and I’ll never lose sleep because everyone around me will get to have a taste of the apple pie I make everyday as I hand out gift cards to all my stores and employ strangers off the street to shine my shoes for a thousand dollars but I’ll still be wiping my ass with toilet paper.
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An old man sits in his home shouting and cursing about no one and nothing in particular “Stop that!”
“Fuck” “God damnit!....” His nearby neighbors are definitely that, but the walls are thick and insulated “Hey!!!” “Mother fucker!” “Who the!!...” His words bounce around the lead paint, of which is slowly killing him, and effect no one and nothing in particular “Who’s doing that!?” “Why I outaaaaa” No one has seen the man in so long you wonder if anyone has even bothered to wonder if he still there "I SAID ENOUGH" Who’s in charge? Not I, apparently
Who decides what the wandering eye lands on? Not I, apparently Who decides when to rest and when to run Not I, apparently A ball room of nude women dancing to classics and literature read aloud It’s art now but wait till the scribe is ill of writing and sticks his feather in all their hair staining and gooping them up in a way unpleasant and unsexy Wait wait wait I have hair short and black, dark and greasy and my calves scream “mad runner” I will take to the dance floor and dance and dance all whilst escaping the blasted feather, only to receive a dose a handful of times to no visible effect Soon the authors made their way through the crowd of supple breasts and smooth, plump bottoms with their jackets barely intact to instruct the scribe to “stop this dastardly mischief at once” and “to continue copying our perfect works” I kind of chuckled to myself. This was the greatest time I’ve ever had in a long long time And the women, despite initial objection, found it to be quite fun as well One in the crowd, whose hair only reached her shoulders so her breasts were perfectly visible and so you could see clearly a tattoo of her father's vineyard, stepped out and, with her own feather of unknown origins, began sticking an inky feather into the authors beards. They all dropped dead instantly to due to shock With the women dancing nakedly and covered in ink and the scribe with nothing left to scribe, I wrote this piece so that maybe it will be recited as they slip and fall and laugh and toil. I’m looking for a good home with ten beautiful wives
The world likes when people fuck me so I’ll also take two husbands cause In a day it’ll happen twice I figure someone else can take care of that It won’t be any less expected if they do it than anyone else that has and this way everyone gets a happy ending But maybe I’m expecting too much from the people around me to do by me right Everybody cooks their rice at a different time I shouldn’t complain if the bite I got from yours is a bit harder than mine But I’ll get upset if you convinced me it was cooked through I’ll add a dash of salt to my meal after all it’s on the table But I don’t think I’ll attend any more dinners if I have to bring my own spice rack and get the water boiling too. And if I tell you that I’m allergic to nuts I’ll be livid if my face swells up. But let’s be honest everything’s in the middle But what about me? If I tell them my dicks big enough for all of em just to sell the proposal it’ll be understandable that they feel teased I only got to 6 of them. The other four will leave the bedroom for the husbands then they’ll realize this cult isn’t worth it to them. He asked me about memories and I just found it funny how now things are getting real b u g g y I went to look for old photos and a butterfly went into my tummy like the first time I saw a playboy The analysis will say this is over an old girlfriend or my dad who left But the only part of either I miss is the time lost afterwards because Depression is theft But ambition cannot rest And here comes that feeling in my chest I’ll tell you anything I’ve ever thought about But I’d rather see you really naked Bare butt, dick, clit, or chest I can find your secrets I’ve got a niche for that shit I stand around being genuinely empathetic then suddenly i got a whole diary in my lap But one day they’ll run out of pages and start writing on me That’s only fair if you call me Papi Muy bien, cariño? Cause all the bi girls friend zoned me or maybe I was too nervous I’m kinda dumb and pretty ugly if I wasn’t Jewish I’d have nothing going for me but things always just seem to be coming to me Mostly just a job or some money Don’t get scared honey I do want to help people please just don’t use me I can’t tell the difference and I’m way too nervous cause you all look perfect and maybe I steer more towards women so I can look at them because their pretty and I’m just shooting myself in the foot but if more David Beckham’s wanted help you’d never hear from me I’d be to busy working with him on life philosophy. And we’re back to the wives there’s only one of them left. Maybe it’s cause monogamy’s the answer but perhaps I didn’t make sure everyone fit just right. Maybe it was a silly idea that came about when my pants were too tight or maybe I thought we could pool our resources but the world is more than just numbers. I just have a silly notation that we’ll all love each other. I don’t care if you fart on the couch hell I’ll make more chili cause I know how much you like it |
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